Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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