If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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