i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize