my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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