Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
