eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
