I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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