If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I want her autograph on my taint
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize