I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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