can we get nightvision for the apartment?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
