when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You need Xanax blowdarts
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
