I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
