last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
