i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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