bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
