I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
