And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
