I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
