Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
