Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
