I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
