honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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