Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
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