Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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