First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
