I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
