I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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