I wish my penis had an off switch
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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