ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
It's like God shit irony all over that family
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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