Sponge bath it is.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
