I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
