I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
