i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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