You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
