it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
