That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
i need some magic done to my vagina
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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