Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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