if i can run in heels then i can drive
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
