i used baking grease as lip gloss
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize