tell your sister to shave her snatch
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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