i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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