If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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