is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Randomize
