I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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