i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I have aggressive nipples.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
