Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
All the doctor said was why
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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