there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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