I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
