he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
