69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
