This dress was meant to end up on your floor
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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