I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
