I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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