My underwear smells like fireworks.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Randomize