Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
