I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
