Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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