doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
