Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
