and my herpes radar will keep us safe
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
How external is "for external use only"?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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