So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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