Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
