I wannas sexs uuuuu
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
