I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
