i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
