Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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