a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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