i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
