she was so not down for the gang bang
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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