i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
