Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
