I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
