you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
there is glitter all over my balls
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
