Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I want to be your penis for a week.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
